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Chester’s Editorial 7

Pin Up Guns by Chester February 1, 2016

Chesters Editorial 7

chester and the VB

The last few weeks I have been experiencing a touch of >the old writers block=. My life is if anything too carefree, nothing has stirred me of late except maybe some off chicken I found in the neighbours bin. Until one day when I was just sitting in the smoko room at Owen Guns minding my own business, chewing on my old girl=s table leg when the conversation stole my attention. Woolworths Limited has been cooperating with the one and only celebrity lisping chef >Jamie Oliver= on their advertising campaign for some time now. This on its own will not shock you but the fact that Woolworths have asked Farmers to pay for this advertisement personally makes the hair stand up on my back.

 

Woolworths Limited is the largest retail company in Australia and New Zealand by market capitalisation and sales and the largest food retailer …

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Chester’s Editorial 6

Pin Up Guns by Chester January 4, 2016

I don't fit into my camo yet!

I don’t fit into my camo yet!

Chester’s Editorial Number 6

I return to work at least 2kgs heavier, the Festive Season was everything I expected and more. I was surrounded by humans that adored me, I single handedly destroyed every box and piece of Christmas paper in sight, food seemed to fall from the heavens I even got my chops around some Christmas cake when my old girl wasn’t looking. My best mate Ollie (a chocolate Labrador) came over and he let me chase him all afternoon. At the end of it all I was weak with exhaustion and could barely stand, I also felt sad because it was all over and all my friends had gone home. The excitement didn’t end there because days later it was New Years Eve and all our valued employees from Owen Guns came over and there was more food! Then just yesterday …

660 total views, 1 today

Chester’s Christmas Editorial

Pin Up Guns by Chester December 24, 2015

Chester’s Editorial Number 5

003

There has been a lot of talk about Christmas of late, my little family has been telling me mystifying tales about all the food and of all the colourful paper that I will surely destroy. It sounds like the perfect day, all my humans will be home, I will sample turkey, bacon, ham, there will be new things to chew and everyone will be so drunk they wont notice that I’ve trashed the joint. It seems too good to be true so I did a little research and found that I am one of the lucky ones. Christmas can be a horrible time for many four legged creatures like myself. A recent article in the Gympie Times revealed that a lot of animals get dumped at Christmas time for two main reasons. One is that people want to go on holidays and can’t take their animals …

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Chester’s Editorial Number 4

Pin Up Guns by Chester December 15, 2015

016Lately I have been hearing that getting your gun licence is not exactly a simple operation and can take some time to process. This has prompted me to get the ball rolling and I have booked myself in to do the course with a nice man called Greg. It takes a whole day but I’m told we get to shoot afterwards. I have to get this done now because it can take the police weeks to process the application and that is time wasted when I could be shooting. I didn’t realise dogs could get into shooting until I saw Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund’s latest movie where he goes hunting.

https://www.facebook.com/crusoedachshund/videos/1047310648690763/?theater

My life up till now has been blessed I came from a humble country home where my mum and 7 siblings were sufficiently fed and had freedom to stretch our paws. Life just became better for me since then, …

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Chester’s Pick of the Week

Pin Up Guns by Chester December 8, 2015

I was prowling the store with my old girl when I came across this unique looking piece of equipment. My old girl noticed my fascination with this piece and shared with me the story behind it. This is the ‘Maegun’ it was named after her and was designed by ‘he who must be obeyed’. He wanted there to be a semi-automatic sporting rifle in Australia and if you want something done you sometimes have to do it yourself. For once it was the story behind the rifle that took my fancy and not the flavor.

 

Chester's feeling festive!

Chester’s feeling festive!

678 total views, 0 today

Chester’s Editorial Number 3

Pin Up Guns by Chester December 7, 2015

Chester’s Editorial Number 3

On my time off this week my old girl and I travelled to the big smoke of Brisbane. It was incredibly different from the peaceful country side that Im acquainted with. When I first stepped out of my chauffeured motor vehicle I was hit in the face with a 1000 sounds, sights and most of all the smells. People moved in every direction and it was hard to know which ones would give the best pats and affection. I was in my element making it my personal task to say ‘hello’ to as many as I could, children were my number one priority because they to are small and friendly. Some of the city folk didn’t even acknowledge me but my old girl said that they weren’t worth my time anyway. She loved meeting all my new friends and I loved being told repeatedly that I …

709 total views, 2 today

Chester’s editorial Number 2

Pin Up Guns by Chester November 26, 2015

This week it has come to my attention that there is confusion amongst non-shooters as to why people like guns or like shooting. I don’t understand why its so hard to comprehend, what Im learning daily is that we are all incredibly different. I for example love nothing more than throwing a slimy chicken neck down the back of my chops. My old girl is always drinking this purple stuff in a flimsy glass that I knock over occasionally and feel obligated to clean up. Its nowhere close to a good chicken neck but she guzzles it like it was the turkey of chicken necks. Her father or ‘he who must be obeyed” eats mountains of meat and baked beans that makes my old girl dry retch with just a whiff. Her mother “she who also must be obeyed” puts cheese on everything before consuming and “he who must be …

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Chester’s Editorial Number 1

Pin Up Guns by Chester November 20, 2015

Chester with his favorite BSA .310 cal Martini

Chester with his favorite BSA .310 cal Martini

I came into the world three months ago, maybe that is too young to start writing but I was inspired by my great grandfather Jimi Hendrix. I got about to reading some of his editorials while working at Owen Guns, four days a week I assist the family by licking the floor clean and redesigning the employees shoes. As I am new to the world I like to test everything in my mouth, I put everything between my jaws just so I know what it tastes like. Knowledge is power and there are always new things to chew especially at the shop. Just the other day 50 new air rifles arrived and I licked the freshly oiled steel of a species known as Beeman, the Walnut stocks of a Zastava and most appealing of all bubble wrap. Today, a customer phoned up, …

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Chester Has a Christmas List.

Pin Up Guns by Chester November 15, 2015

Chester considering the difference between chewing on a bone, or the piece of walnut at the end of that Holland & Holland double rifle. He is thinking about the consequences, and which would taste better.
chester open mouth

IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG CHESTER

PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR DOG!

YES, HE MAULED TWENTY SIX PEOPLE WEARING BURKAS,

FOURTEEN PEOPLE WEARING LONG BLACK BEARDS,
THREE PEOPLE WEARING TURBANS, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING BELOW THEIR BACKSIDES.

THREE FLAG BURNERS, AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.

FOR THE LAST TIME ….CHESTER IS NOT FOR SALE !?

NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING,

BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE ‘BAD TASTE’

OUT OF HIS MOUTH!…

776 total views, 1 today