Welcome to the Thirty Forth Edition of the Owen Guns Bulletin.
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The Australian International Arms M10 Rifles.
Ten shot .308 Win/ 7.62 Nato 10 shot power house. For Military Rifle Competition or flattening Pigs.
M10-B1 (7.62x51mm NATO)
560mm barrel, medium weight, sporter configuration, 10-rd, magazine. Adjustable foresight for elevation, windage, dual rear aperture for 200 & 400 metres. Picatinny steel rail to mount telescope.
M10-B2 ex-M42-B2 (7.62x51mm NATO)
640mm heavy barrel a la L42A1.Steel blue-black finish, teak hardwood stock with chamfered edges, hand oiled. Adjustable foresight, elevation & windage. 10-rd. box magazine like US M14. ‘L’ aperture for 200 & 400 metres. Comes with Picatinny steel rail for ‘scope sight.Military butt & cheek rest like L42.
Three different models presently in stock, basically the heavier the barrel, the more expensive $1300 to $1500. phone for more details phone 07 54 825070.
Red Gun Shooting Jackets,
Padded in the shoulder, large front pockets for your packs of ammo and a bag at the rear for the empties, strong material and light weight for Australian conditions. Made in Australia by Aussie Sports. L and X L.
$55. plus postage.
This new Marlin has taken the best designs from all the best bolt action design features from Savage Accu trigger,barrel Lock system, Winchester Mod 70, Push feed extractor bolt release catch, Remington 700 profile bolt handle, and safety catch. Mauser internal magazine system. Includes a one piece weaver style mount base. Only in .243 & .308w sized actions at present.
$699. plus post.
Its not really sporting to shoot them when they are sitting down, but still, it wont’ ruin the meat on this one.
Will take thousands of hits.
$360. postage could be a problem.
Aussie Sports Gun Bags
This Shotgun Bag has a full length heavy duty zip, a light green canvas exterior and lots of foam padding, it is lined and includes carry handles and a heavy duty sling which could be used on your rifle. It has a zip bag attached to the side which is large enough for two packs of 12 g shotshells. 52 Inch. A bargin at
$25.00 plus post.
Tasco World Class 3-9×40 Iluminated Recticle
For one Month or until we run out
$125. plus postage.
Gun Books Make Great Presents, Easy To Post and with years of use and enjoyment. We have over a 1000 Gun Books in stock.
Looking for Gun Books We now have a list of some of our many Gun and Firearm books on the website at www.owenguns.com/gympie-shop/gun-book-list
One Example is our Best Seller as it is Australian written and produced with the Australian Shooting conditions in mind. If you like the small articles included with this Bulletin, Accurate Firearm Design and Understanding Cartridge Reloading and want to read an encyclopedia on shooting by the same author buy The Range Officer Handbook.
The Range Officer Handbook
The Range Officers Handbook pay by Pay Pal see Bulletin Special Announcement Page
As already purchased by members of all Shooting Organisations.Some have even bought two copies one for home and one to take to the club. See Book Reviews by Nick Harvey in Sporting Shooters and Guns Australia in our new Gun Book Category.
The Range Officers Handbook is an encyclopedia or omnibus of firearms and ammunition and the use of them, it has:-
• 90 pages of Information for Range Officers,
• 239 pages on Coaching to Win,
• 110 pages on Air Rifle History &Training,
• 33 pages on hitting Clay Targets,
• 34 pages on Reloading Ammunition,
• 6 page of Contents,
• 18 pages of Index,
• 38 pages of Old into New, ( Chronological History of Firearms)
• 23 pages of Glossary of Terminology on Firearms and Optics
• Over 1000 drawings and photographs.
• Over 530 pages in a A4 stitched colour hardback.,
Some, hopefully will read it cover to cover, others will pick a heading out of the Contents pages and read a chapter or two, but no matter how much you know about shooting, reference material is always needed, as even people who rate as genius cannot retain everything. The real ability is being able to find out quickly and easily. You can check that you have the correct terminology, in the Glossary, check the Index and go straight to the right page. This book can be used as an information tool for a lifetime of shooting.
$75 for a Certified Numbered Book Signed by the author (state who you would like it dedicated to) plus $10 postage Australia wide.
The Range Officers Handbook pay by Pay Pal see Bulletin Special Announcement Page CLICK HERE
Another good example is Gunsmithing Rifles by Patrick Sweeney
353 pages soft back. Patrick Sweeney shows rifle shooters the ins and outs of do-it-yourself repair and provides tips on improving accuracy and reducing recoil for hunters and target shooters.
Plenty of photos clearly illustrate each step of every project as Sweeney’s latest book gives rifle owners everything they need to finish gunsmithing projects while avoiding the pitfalls. From wood refinishing to smoothing a rough trigger pull, Sweeney guides readers every step of the way. There is no better book for the hobbyist who enjoys working on rifles.
$40.00 plus $10 postage Australia wide.
Remington Genesis 1000 fps.
Idea for Dad and Son, An Adult Air Rifle. Practice Target Shooting in the Garage.
Includes a 3-9×40 Variable Air Rifle Scope and Air Rifle Mounts. $398.00
(Air Rifle Scopes have to be EXTRA shock resistant for High powered Air Rifles) . These single shot spring air Genesis pellet rifle feature ultra Hi ergonomics in its soft, synthetic pistol style grip and sculptured cheek piece, 28 pounds of cocking force gets up to 1000 fps. Other features include aTwo stage Adjustable trigger, Ventilated rubber recoil pad, Precision rifled steel barrel, Crossblock trigger blocking mechanism, Ambidextrous safety, made in the USA.
$395. plus post.
Tasco 4 x 32
Thirty years ago we would have paid a $1000. for the same quality of vision and precision, a guaranteed leading optical manufacturer who warranties their products all over the World. They have a light gathering clarity that would have made those old dark Pecar’s appear like looking through a knot hole in fathers wooden leg. What’s more they are Waterproof. In 1970 during a storm in the Victorian mountains I can remember emptying my Pecar like a jug. It had a steel tube but it leaked like a sive.I was so disappointed I hunted Samba for years with open sites as I wanted reliability. I took the low priced option then and will always follow that example, at this price I could afford to buy a spare one.
4 x 32 Silver Antler Rifle Scope $50.
ACCURATE FIREARM DESIGN
Indentation of Primers.
The proper indentation of the rim of a rim fire cartridge, or of the primer of a centre-fire cartridge by the firing pin must be assured for certain fire every time, for freedom from accidents, and for accuracy. The weight, energy, and direction of the blow, and the area indented must be fixed that the priming mixture within the case or primer is crushed in a manner as to insure a normal and consistent explosion. Remember consistency is not just the foundation of accuracy the simple fact is that here is no accuracy, at any time without consistency. If you have an erratic firing pin fall, it will create a different type of explosion when it detonates the primer, this in turn will create a different chain reaction as it converts the propellent into a different amount of high pressure gas, which forces your projectile along the barrel. So consider all this before lighting off your hammer spring.
Diagram of INERTIA AND SUPPORTED FIRING PINS
A—Illustrating the “inertia” firing pin method; the Model 1911 Colt Automatic, which is unsupported as it hits the primer.
B—Firing pin of the Winchester Single Shot rifle, which is supported by the hammer when it strikes.
C—The bolt action setup; the Model 1903 Springfield rifle, (very similar to the Mauser Patents)where firing pin is supported by the mainspring.
Primers, including primed rim-fire cases, all are constructed within certain well defined limits of functioning and are all of a very high standard and all Primers must:-
A. Primers must not fire when struck by a firing pin falling with a definite minimum weight or energy. That is, they must not be over sensitive or be to dangerous to handle.
B. With a certain weight or energy of firing pin blow they must explode one hundred percent each time.
C. With a certain weight or energy of firing pin blow the rim of the rim-fire case, or the center fire primer cup must not puncture.
Diagram FIRING PIN POINTS
The mainspring or hammer, and the firing pin of the breech action of a small arm must be constructed so that they operate within the limits B-C above. But this is not quite all. Within these limits B-C will be found a still narrower limit in which a more perfect ignition, insuring better accuracy will occur. This limit may differ slightly with primers of different makes and with different kinds of powder. If we take a rifle with a certain firing mechanism set to limit B and then gradually increase the weight or energy of the firing pin blow while testing for accuracy on a machine rest we may find that D and E show the best forms of point. Note the flat surfaces with very slightly bevelled edges. They crush the primer pellet over a wide area, and the bevelled edge prevents any cutting or shearing of the metal of the primer cup or the rim fire case.
B and G do not crush enough of the primer pellet and sometimes tend to give miss-fires. C and F often shear the sides of the indentation like a punch and give punctured primers. A and H are particularly bad in this respect. H is too much like a nail point and will give many punctures.
as the energy of blow is increased accuracy increases up to a certain point, and then decreases. Or it may increase up to the point C. For each design of firing mechanism the best average energy should be determined in this manner. Variations are made by varying the strength of the mainspring. A quick and light firing pin with short travel will require a stronger mainspring than one with longer travel or more weight.
Indeed there is a great deal more to the manufacturers’ caution “Use our ammunition in our rifles” than the mere salesmanship of the sentence would indicate. A manufacturer who makes both arms and ammunition can be relied on to so adjust the firing mechanism of his guns so that they will give the very best possible ignition with the primers he places in his cartridges, and in other respects also, such as fit, his ammunition is likely to be most ideal for his arms.(editors note: We hope so, as the ball is in their court)
The best shape of extreme point of the firing pin is slightly flattened, but with rounded edges on a radius so that it will crush the priming mixture over a considerable area, ‘and yet not act as a punch to shear or pierce the primer as a flat pointed pin would do if it had sharp edges. See in the above diagram. Many firing pins have hemispherical points, and this is the next best shape. Particularly the point should never be sharp.
The diameter of the firing pin or striker point for those rifles that use cartridges loaded with the large size primers (.211 inch) should be about .085 inch, while for those that use the small primers (.175 inch) it should be about.060 inch in diameter.
Next Edition 35 Firing Pin Protrusion.
The Norinco JW 105. in .223 Remington.
The Norinco JW 105. in .223 Remington.
This is the (Jain Way) JW Model 105, Sometimes called Norinco. These rifles are made in the same factory that manufactures the now famous JW 15 .22 rifle (the Brno Mod One Copy) if you have had a JW15 or know of anyone who had one, you will know that they shoot sometimes better than the rifle they imitiated. These JW105 s are in .223 Remington calibre and have a five shot detachable magazine. They also come with Weaver style mount bases and Quick Detachable studs for QD sling swivels If you look carefully at the close up photograph you will notice a shiny silver colour, at the breech face,the camera has picked up the chrome plating from inside the chamber. The Chinese are the only non-military manufactures that can afford the chrome process of plating the Barrels and Chambers. They have also chromed the forward section of the Bolt. Chrome plating gives the best protection against erosion and corrosion than anything else besides regualr cleaning. The JW 105 is a copy of the Geveram that was very popular in the 1950s and 1960s, they were very good quality but I believe that Gevarm had to stop making them as the were too expensive to produce.
These are the best value .223 remington centre-fire, repeating rifle on the market.
Brand New $460.
A Free External Ballistics Calculator for all Components not Brand Specific.
Email : OwenGuns@spiderweb.com.au and the External Ballistics Calculator program will be sent to you in EXCELL Format free of charge.
UNDERSTANDING RELOADING AMMUNITION
Berdan Primers instead of Boxer Primers.
As fate would have it, Mr Boxer a Englishman (European) designed the Boxer Primer used by all the American Ammunition manufactures and Mr Berdan and American designed the Berdan Primer used by all the European Ammunition manufactures. This technology came in a continuation of the competition to design the most efficient and successful percussion cap to ignite a firearm cartridge. This began with the Right Reverend Forsyth who invented the fulminate of mercury percussion cap in the early part of the 19th century.
The Berdan primer found in much European ammunition depends for its proper functioning upon a fixed anvil that is an integral part of the bottom of the primer pocket in the cartridge case. The primer is simply an open-mouth cup or cap which is pressed into the primer pocket until flush or only very slightly (.002-.003″ inch) below the face of the case head. When so seated, any firing pin with normal function will crush the priming pellet against the fixed anvil and assure proper ignition. Since the Berdan primer is located from the head, it is quite practical to set primers face up on a smooth steel or glass plate and press or gently drive the case over them until the case head contacts the plate. Since one seldom will have occasion to load much ammunition with this type of primer, the plate method eliminates the need for special tools.
On the left the Cartridge case designed to accept the Berdan Primer and on the right the cartridge case designed to accept the conventional Boxer Primer.
Berdan primers do not come in the same sizes as the Boxer type. The most common size measures approximately .217″ in diameter and is found in most modern bottle neck rifle cases. With care, this size may be seated with the standard large size flat face primer seating punch, that is normally used for conventional Boxer Primers. The smaller size, usually found only in pistol and small-caliber rifle cartridges, measures about .180″ in diameter and may also be seated by careful use of the small, flat-face punch for normal Boxer Primers. Two other sizes will be encountered fairly often, the large British size, measuring .250″ in diameter, and the European 6.45mm size which measures .254″. Attempting to seat these two sizes with even the largest standard punch will generally result only in damage to primers. Fortunately, most makers of loading tools and priming tools can supply on special order the proper size punches to fit both of the extra large primers.
Regardless of whether you are using a hand tool, a loading press, or a bench-type priming tool, always use a primer punch whose contour and diameter match that of the primer. In years gone by, primers were about equally divided among flat-face and round types. Over the past decade, those makers which previously used the rounded face have almost all switched to the flat-face. However, when rounded types were in vogue, loading tool manufacturers supplied punches contoured to fit both types, and many tools are still fitted with the old round-face primer punch. When the round-face punch is used to seat flat-face primers, it exerts pressure only around the perimeter of the primer cup, leaving the centre of the face unsupported. This results in the anvil moving up into the cup as it bottoms into the pocket and often raising a dimple in the face of the primer. Since the priming pellet is quite brittle, this usually results in its being cracked or crumbled — which would not have happened if the primer face were solidly supported so that the pellet did not flex under the thrust of the anvil. Use of a flat-face punch to seat round-face primers produces just the opposite result. The punch contacts only the centre of the primer face and, depending upon the amount of force required to seat the primer properly, will flatten the cup which has the same effect of breaking up the priming pellet. If you’re using only fresh, modern primers and purchased your loading or priming tool in the past few years, doubtless your punch and primers are properly matched. Nevertheless, if you obtained primers of unknown ancestry, or swap for some old, used loading equipment, make certain you check both primers and punch to be sure that they match.
Occasionally in the cheaper loading tools improperly finished primer seating punches will be encountered. Often we see handloads which have a slight depression occupying about 80 per cent of the cup face. This results when the perimeter of the end of the punch is bevelled so much that the face contacting the primer is smaller in diameter than the flat- area in the centre of the cup. Unless the face of the punch is large enough to extend out over the radius of the cup, it will depress the centre of the cup and damage the priming pellet. The reloading of Berdan cartridge cases with Berdan primers has been a rare occurrence in Australia as besides all commercial ammunition and reloading cases supplied in retail shops being Boxer Primed and usually only European or small amounts of military surplus ammunition, or cartridge brass being Berdan primed. The Berdan primer is much more difficult to remove from the fired brass, as instead of a single flash hole, (Flash hole is what ports the ignition flash from the primer to the main powder charge) it has two. So the reloading die with its centre pin to remove the used primer will break once a Berdan primer is encountered as it has no centre flash hole. It has just two offset smaller flash holes. The Berdan priming system is more than likely the most efficient system as it has the duplicate system, 50% less likely to have a blocked flash hole when there are two. It is just much more difficult to reload, most Berdan reloaders use a De-bondee decapper which removes them with a little water pressure, others make an air pressure remover.
A is Berdan type primer and pocket. 1 is foil disc, 2 is priming compound, 3 is cup, 4 is multiple flash holes, 6 is anvil integral with case. B is Boxer type, 1 is foil disc, 2 is priming compound, 3 is anvil, 4 is cup, 5 is single central flash hole.
Nearly all handloaders eventually get around to using military fired cases. Regardless of origin, nearly all military rifle and machine gun cartridges include some form of crimp applied over the primer after it is seated. In U.S. ammunition this is usually a circular crimp encircling the primer, produced by a hollow punch. Much foreign ammunition has instead a 3- or 4-point stab crimp as shown. Some pistol and submachine gun cases are also crimped, but a great deal is not. The crimp is intended to keep primers from backing out when fired in guns with long headspace and assist in waterproofing the internal sensitive powder and priming compounds
Both types impede decapping to some degree because the mouth of the primer pocket is turned slightly over the edge of the primer. The crimp must be forced aside by the primer as it is expelled. Since the cup is thin and soft, a thin or pointed decapping pin may pierce the primer rather rather than force it out. This can be avoided by use of so called “heavy-duty” decapping pins which are flat-tipped and of as large a diameter as the flash hole will accommodate. Such pins will remove 99 per cent of the crimped in Boxer primers you’ll encounter.
All Berdan primers are crimped once the first Berdan primer has been removed and this crimped area is reamed out of the primer pocket hole it is much easier to replace the primers and easier to remove the future primers. All cartridge cases should be inspected prior to reloading to ensure that Berdan is not mixed with Boxer as it will immediately break your decapping pin. This goes for every type of reloading Shotgun, (yes, I have seen Berdan Primers in steel cased and brass cased shotgun ammunition) Pistol and Rifle, large or small. Remember these words or you may find that you will be trying to manufacture a decapping pin.
Next edition more information.
Lee Breech Lock Challenger Reloading Kit
Includes Sold Cast ‘O’ Frame Press, Scales, Powder Measure, Case Trimmers, Case Lube, Auto Primer and Powder Funnel.
The Breech Lock Challenger Kit, A Reloading Kit Gift at $199.
An Extra benifiit includes a Lee Auto Primer all for $199. plus freight.
Stockman Rifle. 7.62 x 54 Russian
The idea for this rifle came from one of those discussions that are held round the camp fire or after the barbeque. It became known at this discussion that there was a requirement for a rifle that shot well priced military ammunition, powerful enough to shoot, Bulls, Cows Horses, Camels, Donkeys, Deer, Roo’s, Pigs, Dingo’s and knock over a Ram or two at the 500 metallic silhouette range. Of course as it was a knock about rifle for the working man to keep in the truck it had to be very rugged and have the stock designed with a high comb to use a scope to suit off hand shooting. The stock also had to absorb a lot of recoil from a powerful calibre without transferring too much of it to the shooter and also be bulky enough to protect the rifle. (many rifle which have a stock like a knife edge leave the scope and mounts very vulnerable if dropped) It had to be drilled and tapped to take Weaver style bases on top of the receiver. The Barrel had to be heavy, free floating from the stock and be still short and handy. Of course they wanted it to hit a fly on there prize bulls nose without hurting the bull.
Well there was a lot of bull around that night but all were seriously firm that it had to sell for less than $400. So Enfield Arms worked particularly hard and had the MAB barrels fitted to Mosin Nagant receivers, the bolt handles were modified to suit a scope the receivers were drilled and tapped and modified to take the mounts on top of the receiver. Wow, what would Vasily Zaytsev (Enemy at the Gate) have been able to achieve with a top scope mounted Mosin- Nagant action instead of his off set side mounts? Then Enfield Arms made a synthetic stock with a recoil pad made from absorb-athane. A soft dense polymer utherane ( Maybe got the spelling wrong) that has greater properties of absorbing recoil than rubber. They also have a five shot magazine. So except for the reconditioned reblued modified receiver they are a new rifle.
Thoughts for the WEEK !?
In Queensland the Firearm Dealers have been expecting new changes to the Weapons Act 1990. Although, no dealer, or armourer who is not within the small circle of Dealers who supply all wants and needs to the Queensland Police Service has seen a draft of the changes to the Weapons Act. The changes have been rumoured for the last three years, RSL (Returned Services League) and private Museums have been holding off destroying historic firearms from World War Two, on the hope that the draconian requirements for deactivation , “Permanently Inoperable” which requires welding the firing mechanism which the Queensland Police now define as not just the firing pin but the whole mechanism, (anything that moves) into a solid ‘lump’. Turning historic artifacts into something resembling concrete reinforcing or a boat anchor is a criminal act as far as I am concerned. With one change of wording the RSL and Private Museum, who by law all have to have collectors licences and intense security, could have them Temporary Inoperable under the Weapons Act, which means a trigger lock or a firing pin removal, as in other Australian States. We all hope for sanity in legislation but so far in my near fifty years of dealing with it, have found it a complete void, like a black hole in space.
Most Firearm Dealers are oblivious to the small point above unless they are a collector or have contact with RSL s or private non profit Museums that have firearms that have been donated by ‘Diggers’ families and are horrified when they find out what happened to them. Most Dealers are hoping for sanity to prevail in the PTA ‘Permit To Acquire’ section of the Act. As at present after a person has waited weeks to do a safety course, paid the money, bought a steel safe, paid the money, joined a club to get a reason to have a licence, paid the money, and then applied for his licence, paid the money. Then waited four to six weeks, if the paper work is perfect and it does not go back and forwards half a dozen times due to a box not having a tick in it, or in advertently left blank. When the licence finely arrives as the licence card, with photograph are only manufactured a few thousand miles away in Victoria, the now licenced shooter has to present himself at the local police station and pay another $23. To get an application for a permit to acquire, once he has filled in all the relevant details and reasons why he want this firearm, he posts it away to the Queensland Police Service. ‘Service’ that word in that context, is a joke as low as what a bull does to a cow, as when a perfect set of paper work is sent in it can be 17 weeks before it is returned and the licensed shooter can purchase his firearm. We think we live in a free country?? If some poor young innocent makes the mistake of phoning up the Weapons Licencing Section and by a miracle patiently get to the Permit to Acquire section and politely asks when he can expect his PTA as the dingo’s are chewing his cows to bits. He is sometimes told that his application is going to the bottom of the heap, others it happens but they are not told. One Hundred and fifty staff working two shifts a day 7 to 3 and 3 to 11, a million dollar worth of computers eating up forests of paper and tax payers money just to control long arms in the State of Queensland. Prior to long arm registration hand gun registration took a small section of five employees for what?
The Queensland Dealers are hoping for an electronic PTA system and will conform with any new legislation that simplified this process. At present and for the last ten years Owen Guns has one full time employee just doing register work for the Queensland Police ‘Service’ and this does not include auditing or fixing up the Queensland Police enquiries and mistakes that’s extra time from other staff. So we have all the time taken by the Weapons Licencing, and all the time taken by the staff of Queensland Dealers and the man hour time of every Queensland Police Station, as people go for renewing licences and PTA applications and queries as to why they have not got there paperwork yet.
Three Stolen Longarms used in a Crime.
All for What? It has been reported by the Queensland Police that in three years, three private long arms have been stolen and used in a crime. Wow. How many crimes have been committed with stolen bricks or stolen cars, or stolen Iron Bars or Stolen Beer bottles? Sane people ask these questions. How many Crimes have been committed with stolen Police Service Pistols? Of course when as reported recently in headlines.
GLOCK HANDGUN STOLEN; POLICE OFFICER CHARGED.
May 07, 2008 12:00amA GOLD Coast police officer allegedly stole a service pistol and swapped it with a drug trafficker for two surfboards, a court was told yesterday.
The Glock .22 handgun later ended up in NSW in the hands of an alleged illegal arms dealer, Southport Magistrate’s Court was told. Senior Constable Christopher Curtin faced a committal hearing at the court yesterday, charged with stealing with circumstances of aggravation because he was a Queensland Police Service employee. Cross-examined by defence solicitor Chris Nyst, Insp Smith said Kellway was given a wholly suspended sentence for supplying the gun after he agreed to co-operate with Queensland police investigators.He said Kellway pleaded guilty last week to supplying the pistol to another man, Glen Thomson, who in turn allegedly supplied the weapon to accused firearms dealer John Babbington Jr. Babbington allegedly sold the gun to an NSW police officer.
He conceded guns had been stolen from other Queensland police stations.
The case was adjourned until May 29 for mention. Police opposed an application to relax Curtin’s bail which requires him to report weekly to police. Magistrate Michael Hogan said the charge was serious and ordered Curtin, who has been stood down from duty, to continue to report to police.
So besides the fact that the Queensland Police Service are equipped with .40 cal Glock’s which are their service pistols not a .22 we have an admission from the Queensland Police that this was not the only time that Police pistols had been stolen from Police Stations. They would all then been used in a crime as they are disposed of illegally i.e. swapping for stolen goods or drugs or selling to NSW Policeman. Then they trivialise everything and not only not put the ex policeman in jail but give the person, he sold it to, a bail situation where he reports to police. Wow, he is free to do business again with his suppliers.
When the watchers are worse than the watched, and hand guns are traded by the police, the huge questions has to be asked why, and what is the point of penalising the firearm owners of Queensland when the largest criminal problem is within the body chosen by the Queensland parliament to enforce this regime on the good citizens of Queensland. Would they not have the Criminal Justice Commission or the Crime and Misconduct Commission full time investigating the Police if they did not know it was the major organised criminal body in Queensland? It seems if a person wants an un registered hand gun he does the proper thing, as when lost and ask a policeman. Meanwhile when a law abiding citizen wants a .177 Air Gun such as a Daisey he has to bear his head, cap in hand supply pages of information about himself and pay for the upkeep of his jailer, his keeper in the weapons zoo, pay his registration and licence fees, allow the police into his home for inspections, show them that he has his air rifle locked in its steel safe. While the Police steal guns from the Police station.
It is about time that at least, Long Arm registration was taken out of the Queensland Weapons Act, not just a simplification by electronic forms. No one could convince me that hand gun registration does any good either, so on the same basis should be removed. That might take the market away for stolen Police service pistols. Of course whenever the new draft legislation comes to parliament, they will say that it has been through a consultation process with all interested parties. That will be the Queensland police and a few of their favourite dealers, mainly the Glock suppliers and wholesalers. Considering the way the government via the Queensland Police gives ‘Service’ to shooters and the way our parliament legislates to exploit the firearm owners, the anticipation of the new firearm legislation makes me feel very anxious, nervous like a trip to the doctors for a colonoscopy. That reminds me of an appropriate funny article which might help to cheer you up from the gloom above and thinking of where the new Weapons Act will go whenever it comes.
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humour columnist for the Miami Herald and I hope he does not mind us passing this on to you all to enjoy.
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking,
‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!‘
I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ‘s enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavour.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked…
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropriate.
‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really.
I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
On the subject of Colonoscopies…
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous….. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’
2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’
6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’
8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’
10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’
And the best one of all:
13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’
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